One day I will explain to Grey’s sister, Bella, what cerebral palsy is and how it affects her brother. I know she will have a million questions regarding how and why it happened. I hope by the time I need to have the conversation with her, I will have those answers. One day I will enlighten Bella regarding the terms she will need to know to understand, support, and advocate for her brother. I can imagine Bella’s fierce, determined spirit serving Grey and many others, so very well.
However, today and until I think it will make a difference in a positive way, Bella will remain oblivious to her brother being “different” because of his medical history and challenges he faces due to his brain injury. I hope to instead teach her patience, love, and compassion through being his big sister and as he calls her “his best friend” – traits that I hope for her to offer in any relationship.
Bella does not ask why Grey struggles with activities she has been able to do for as long as she can remember. There is no timeline for him to be on in her mind. She celebrates his achievements with me… like when he climbs down from the trampoline by himself, rides his scooter, sings a song, or colors a page, etc. I pray that she understands that we all are indeed different, special, and unique in our own way and how important it is to be respectful and inclusive of others.
Sometimes I feel the need to explain cerebral palsy to her, especially when Grey requires more of my time and patience – time and patience that she sees should be given to her. However, when I stop and honestly think who that explanation is for, then I redirect my energy and focus in another direction (hint – it would be for me).
I think there is a fine line between teaching empathy and putting Grey in a box that does not allow him to grow. Sympathy is not the most helpful emotion to give, after all. Empowerment is far more supportive, in my opinion. I pray for growth for Grey and that others, including Bella, will help him do that as much as possible. Honestly, I am not very concerned about Bella’s reactions to him ever, because….
Love is patient… Love is kind… and even at six years old in her egotistical stage of life, it is clear to see that she loves her little brother, just because he is hers, so very much.
Do any of you have suggestions for how to empower your children to be advocates and inclusive? Do you have recommendations for how to discuss this topic with your children? I would love to hear your feedback.
Sara